http://www.castellum.blogdrive.com    *~

= 0 ? ( Saturday or, today )

So now I'm left with 0. A whole new day with bright possibilities and I can't wait to start! Unfortunately I really don't have any inspired words of wisdom.. execpt maybe Carpe Dium.. or There's always a silver lining to every cloud.. something like that. Actually I like this one better...

 HAVE FUN!

Till the next...

              Now on to my second rant. It was a fanfic I found on FictionAlley.org. The title is "The Way of the Sword" and the author's user name is Elaine_Fraiser. It's not in Schnoogle anymore, so you might have to look in The Dark Arts, under authors. It's a quick read but it's worth it. It's about the final battle at Hogwarts, yes it's a Harry Potter fanfic. But even if you don't like Harry Potter you should read it. It can be translated into probably almost anything. It describes a realization of things that are more important that life. Like the triumph of Good over Evil. They knew they were part of something more than themselves. They stopped caring for themselves, only for others. They sacrificed what could have been their lives to defeat the Death Eaters. One part hit me especially. It is right as they charge into battle.

            " Harry Potter. Champion of the Wizarding World. Triwizard Champion. Incredible Qudditch Seeker.

But most importantly, the boy who has Hermione's heart. To Harry, that's all that matters.

Hermione Granger. Broke the record of possible OWLS. Smartest witch to grace the halls of Hogwarts. Sixteen years old, and has already developed several useful defense charms.

But most importantly, the girl who holds Harry's heart. That's all that's important.

Draco Malfoy. Cunning, sly. Full of cunning. One of the best Potions students in centuries - a real whiz.

But most importantly, the boy who kissed Pansy's wounds better when she fell and defended her honour to any who tried to defile it. That's what's important.

Justin-Finch Fletchley. Incredibely charming and sweet, very mindful of his manners, full of grace. A wonderful writer and story teller.

But most importantly, the boy hugged the first years when they cried and missed their homes, telling them humourous stories to make them laugh and forget their worries. To him, their safety is a priority.

Terry Boot. Got the most OWLS out of all the Ravenclaws. Excellent at charm work, even truly impressing Professor Flitwick.

But most importantly, the boy who helped tend the ill students, volunteering his time with Madame Pomprey. He wanted to make people feel better. That's what counted, with him.

Padma Patil. Bested Hermione in Arithmancy. Accounted to be one of the most stunning beauties of Hogwarts this century.

But most importantly, the twin sister to the outgoing Parvati Patil. One half of a whole. And to Padma, her memory must be honoured and avenged.

Neville Longbottom. Clumsy, shy, but incredible at Herbology. The sweetest boy you ever knew. He would always defend you.

But most importantly, he didn't want Ron die, or see Ginny cry. So he must try to end it now. That's what made him go.

Kevin Whitby. The youngest. Exuberant as only the young can be, he'd swap jokes with anyone, even befriending some Slytherins. He could always cheer you up.

But most importantly, he comforted a despairing Vicky after some of the meaner Slytherins had taunted her. No one can break you but you, he had told her. And to Kevin, his purpose was to remind everyone of that.

Edgar Bones, JR. The last of an old house. Short, plain, but with a smile that could charm the pants off of a dementor, it was said.

But most importantly, he had to make sure that no one else lost their family like he did. To him, that was his purpose in life. He waved the flag.

Voldemort rose to greet them. I stared as I was hustled out by a frantic teacher as they approached him. I saw something so beautiful and incredible, I would have not believed it had I not seen it with mine own two eyes.  "

 That's what hit me. How everything leads back to kindness. In the end no one will care about your grades or your scores in track. It's what you do for others that will remain most important in their hearts. That you gave of yourself willingly is what matters the most. Not what you look like, what you are like. These people, even if imaginary, were called to do something more. So they did. They knew it was what they had to do even on penalty of their own death. They were part of something more. When someone looked back on their achievment, on what they accomplished it was what they did with their hearts, maybe not so much their heads, that was accounted for. It was their hearts, bravery, that shone through most of all. Not their clothes or their money or a fancy house. Not even a lack thereof. God, I wish I could be like that. I wish I was supposed to be of a higher purpose. I fear that all I'm here for is to fill a quota. To take up some space until I die. But in my heart I know there is something more. There has to be. The real question is " Will I be brave enough to fufill it? Will I be strong enough? When I lay on my dieing bed and look back at my life, will I be satisfied? "

That's the other thing about me. I'm never satisfied. The only memories that come to mind when I think of my achievements are my most embarrasing memories. Memories of stupid things I've done. Of fights. I can find no redeeming quality about myself as a person. Will I ever? I look around myself and see all this goodness, and then I look to myself and I see nothing. I am a quitter. I am worthless, good for nothing. I am stupid. I am careless, clumsy. I take things for granted until it's too late. I am selfish. I am a brat. I am snobby. I put myself above everyone. <-- Those last three I heard from a teacher at school. That makes them true, right? Ugh. I am a hopless and pathetic human being, therefore my only salvation is to think that there might be something more I can become. Something better. That I will be used for something greater than myself ( and I'm obviously not that great at all ). So I wait, and every opportunity I  try to make myself better. But is it working? Who knows, but God.

       Wow, that became an exctremely whiny post. Excuse me if you hoped for something better. Probably by now you should know I'm just a whiny person. I come here to rant because I never let anyone know this, excluding my sisters. Oh well. Here's to hoping I won't be so whiny in my next post. Even, if I may be so bold, that I've left you something to think about ( excluding that last paragraph were it all goes down the drain and everything I say is a complaint. )  Till the next...